A Week Glance at a Daily look at the GLOBO Gym

Got Sprints?

A very funny story for those of us that “used” to go to a GLOBO GYM…Thanks Cassie


If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god– with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It’s a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
Buttboy was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late– it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine– which I sank.
I hate that demon Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun– like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Do you remember these days?

How does YOUR CrossFit WOD week look vs this story above?

Tell us.

9 Responses to “A Week Glance at a Daily look at the GLOBO Gym”

  1. i still feel this way after being here almost a year!!!!

  2. I have had those painful days…hurt to move, hurt to walk down the steps, even hurt to buckle the seat belt….BUT I just keep coming back for more 🙂 ~Christo,Buttboy nor Satan could not keep me away~

  3. Jackie F Says:

    LMAO! This makes me feel so much better cuz someone knows how I feel at least a couple days a week. Sometimes I still see the vampire!

  4. Jackie F Says:

    What’s GLOBO? I’m a little embarrassed and scared to ask.

  5. This is exactly how I felt after coming in one sunny beautiful Monday morning to check out CrossFit…AND Chris had me do the WOD which of all things was “Murph”. All day Tues and into Wed I had to S-l-o-w-l-y go down the stairs backward. I stood up most of the day since it hurt too much to try to sit!
    I think I even at one point during the workout mumbled that I didn’t even know Chris and already did not like him very much.
    That being said, I have been back for the torture er um I mean the amazing WOD and am enjoying every painful muscle since. 🙂 Thanks!!

  6. am i the only one that forget’s the torture and loves the highs??

    as far as globo – this was NEVER my experience there because – I WASTED MY $$ AND NEVER WENT!!!

  7. I sure still get sore from time to time, but I’ve never looked better naked and I’ve never been stronger…let’s face it, strong people are just more useful in general :). I also had my cholesterol checked yesterday, and my HDL went from 29 before Crossfit/Paleo to 54 now. Now I’m better looking, more useful, and I’m healthier! Thanks Crossfit!!

    • I was also a Globo Gym whore…I’d go 4-5 times a week and do an hour of cardio and some weight training. The problem was I always worked on the things I could do easily, but I never worked on my weaknesses. As it turns out, I’m still reversing the damage of not paying enough attention where it was due.

  8. I had ButtBoy…er….I mean Chris not give me RX (even though I managed 65lb thrusters, my nemesis!) this morning because I “didn’t squat low enough”….I think I saw the knarling teeth too! 🙂 Cruel….so cruel, Mr Mello! 🙂 I’ll show you next time!

    In all seriousness, I love the torture as strange as that sounds! Some days, I say (coining Matty B’s phrase): FTS!! But once I get in my “zone”, I give it my all and the positive version of FTS errupts throughout my veins. I’ll never forget my first day trying CF, however….hurt to sit, walk, cough. I found the positive and told everybody my arms were strong after the FIRST workout but little did they know they were just swollen! 🙂 I always come back for more…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: